he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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