I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
