ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Randomize
