Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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