i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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