ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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