if you like me you must not know who I am
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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