Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
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