i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
