ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
