Me too!
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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