a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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