Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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