Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
