Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
