I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
