drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
