are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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