theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
