so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
