New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
