I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
