the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
