shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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