So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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