I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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