I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
