i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
