i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
