Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
