I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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