Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
