I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
