the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
