took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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