:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
