this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
