All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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