I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
There's even glitter on my cock...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
