He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
