Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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