Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
