I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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