is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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