i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
