did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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