i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
