Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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