I wish I could punch you in the face.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
