Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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