An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
