if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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