Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
